Heard a rumor from someone in the know

by **angryty** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:18 pm

Gene is getting a lot of heat and Coach Chimp may be a mid-season hire as offensive coordinator. The true fans on this site will remember how he came in and helped improve Petercuskie's awful special teams before he lost it one day and beat Coach Swepson within an inch of his life with a the plastic sword from Handsome and Tough's Halloween pirate costume. Anyway, after Gene D canned him, he apparently went and took over the QB coaching position with the Montreal Allouettes, helping lead them to a couple of Grey Cup losses before he was fired for ripping the face off of a cashier at a Tim Horton's in Verdun, PQ. Becausee of his skills, he was quickly hired as the OC at Wisconsin-Whitewater before he was involved in a violent incident at a Sendik's Supermarket in Grafton, WI. There were rumors that Lane Kiffin was considering bringing him on the staff at Tennessee, but that apparently fell through and he has been doing color analyst work for the Ivy League Game of the Week on PBS. After watching this Saturday's performance, I do not see how he could do any worse.

by **GreenvilleEagle** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:24 pm

Has to be Bob Shoop

by **BCEagle74** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:24 pm

angryty {l Wrote}:Gene is getting a lot of heat and Coach Chimp may be a mid-season hire as offensive coordinator. The true fans on this site will remember how he came in and helped improve Petercuskie's awful special teams before he lost it one day and beat Coach Swepson within an inch of his life with a the plastic sword from Handsome and Tough's Halloween pirate costume. Anyway, after Gene D canned him, he apparently went and took over the QB coaching position with the Montreal Allouettes, helping lead them to a couple of Grey Cup losses before he was fired for ripping the face off of a cashier at a Tim Horton's in Verdun, PQ. Becausee of his skills, he was quickly hired as the OC at Wisconsin-Whitewater before he was involved in a violent incident at a Sendik's Supermarket in Grafton, WI. There were rumors that Lane Kiffin was considering bringing him on the staff at Tennessee, but that apparently fell through and he has been doing color analyst work for the Ivy League Game of the Week on PBS. After watching this Saturday's performance, I do not see how he could do any worse.

I closed the door to my office from laughing so hard and I have pee all over my Gucci's.

We may need a Ty Glosary of Terms, but this is Rudyard Kipling at his best.

by **angryty** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:30 pm

How quickly they forget the great Coach Chimp. That is part of the problem with BC Athletics whether it is Jagz or Coach Chimp. You have a coach who comes in and wants to win with every fiber of his being, prepares his players to win, and ruthlessly punishes failure and when Gene D runs him off for either interviewing with the Jets or beating Swepson within an inch of his life for trying to bogart a man's pack of Kools, we all forget what a great coach the man was--so utterly different then our current staff.

I have it on good authority that Coach Coward hated Coach Chimp because Coach Chimp made no secret of his contempt for Coach Coward by baring his teeth and making rasberry sounds whenevr Coward tried to start the coaches meeting.

by **BCEagle74** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:35 pm

angryty {l Wrote}:How quickly they forget the great Coach Chimp. That is part of the problem with BC Athletics whether it is Jagz or Coach Chimp. You have a coach who comes in and wants to win with every fiber of his being, prepares his players to win, and ruthlessly punishes failure and when Gene D runs him off for either interviewing with the Jets or beating Swepson within an inch of his life for trying to bogart a man's pack of Kools, we all forget what a great coach the man was--so utterly different then our current staff.

I have it on good authority that Coach Coward hated Coach Chimp because Coach Chimp made no secret of his contempt for Coach Coward by baring his teeth and making rasberry sounds whenevr Coward tried to start the coaches meeting.

Who is he?

I googled to no luck..

by **b0mberMan** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:37 pm

This man?

by **Endless Mike** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:42 pm

If this guy is an actual chimpanzee then he may have some good problem-solving skills.

by **angryty** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:44 pm

No! No! No! Are any of you real BC fans? You may remember back during the depths of Petercuskie's incompetent reign of terror, the Friends of the Program (FOP Tm Logi) postulated that a retired circus chimp could do a better job coaching the special teams and from their HQ in the big white house across Beacon Street from Alumni Stadium, went out and purchased said retired circus chimp from a chimp rescue shelter in Watertown, New York. They paid said chimp a carton of Kools, a case of Miller Hi-Life and a bushell of bananas per week, and sure enough, Coach Chimp was a tremendous improvement over Petercuskie (who was allowed to retain his title due to then-existing NCAA regulations that prevented sub-human primates from coaching).

by **b0mberMan** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:49 pm

angryty {l Wrote}:No! No! No! Are any of you real BC fans? You may remember back during the depths of Petercuskie's incompetent reign of terror, the Friends of the Program (FOP Tm Logi) postulated that a retired circus chimp could do a better job coaching the special teams and from their HQ in the big white house across Beacon Street from Alumni Stadium, went out and purchased said retired circus chimp from a chimp rescue shelter in Watertown, New York. They paid said chimp a carton of Kools, a case of Miller Hi-Life and a bushell of bananas per week, and sure enough, Coach Chimp was a tremendous improvement over Petercuskie (who was allowed to retain his title due to then-existing NCAA regulations that prevented sub-human primates from coaching).

Man, we should bring him back. Works cheap, and has to be an improvement over Dumbo.

by **angryty** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:53 pm

That is sad. Coach Chimp coached his heart out for the Eagles and greatly improved a floundering special teams. The players loved the guy, even when he threw poop at them and ripped their facemasks off of their helmets, because it was all done with the sole purpose of forcing them to execute and turning them into winners.

Based on the way we as a fanbase have treated Jags and Coach Chimp, I am beginning to belive we do not deserve a great program.

by **Logitano** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:53 pm

TobaccoRoadEagle {l Wrote}:
angryty {l Wrote}:No! No! No! Are any of you real BC fans? You may remember back during the depths of Petercuskie's incompetent reign of terror, the Friends of the Program (FOP Tm Logi) postulated that a retired circus chimp could do a better job coaching the special teams and from their HQ in the big white house across Beacon Street from Alumni Stadium, went out and purchased said retired circus chimp from a chimp rescue shelter in Watertown, New York. They paid said chimp a carton of Kools, a case of Miller Hi-Life and a bushell of bananas per week, and sure enough, Coach Chimp was a tremendous improvement over Petercuskie (who was allowed to retain his title due to then-existing NCAA regulations that prevented sub-human primates from coaching).

i do not remember this

Do you remember BC-WVU in '2004? After having one of those really terrible year out of nowhere our special teams actually became special. We dominated on special teams that afternoon with two punt returns for tds. Let's just say the fear of having a chimp throw his dung at you makes a man play a little harder. Coach Chimp subbing for coach cuskie almost brought us a big east title. Who was our defensive coordinator the following week against syracuse when a db ran for over 200 yards? Almost.... :ace

by **BigPete** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:58 pm

If you gotta be a monkey, be a gorilla

by **DavidGordonsFoot** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:59 pm

I, for one, welcome the return of this Coach Chimp.

by **angryty** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:59 pm

I believe the Swepson incident occured at the Sunday meeting after the Syracuse game. Coach Chimp was the only one at that staff who was beside himself with anguish after that loss.

by **claver2010** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:04 pm

BTW I forget who started the rumor on EI that Jags was sleeping around while he was here but I have heard from multiple people from BC outside of the athletic department that this was true.

I believe it was HomoJS, if it was you, I apologize for calling you a homo HomoJS.

by **BCEagle74** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:05 pm

Someone lock and load this thread for eternity and a time capsule.

by **BCEagle74** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:07 pm

claver2010 {l Wrote}:BTW I forget who started the rumor on EI that Jags was sleeping around while he was here but I have heard from multiple people from BC outside of the athletic department that this was true.

I believe it was HomoJS, if it was you, I apologize for calling you a homo HomoJS.

Ok, so what.

Motherfucker could coach.

Spaz and Topo Gigio are too old to fuck anyone but BC Fans.

Speaking of Chimps, did you see that picture of Topo Gigio on the Insiders?

by **Endless Mike** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:07 pm

claver2010 {l Wrote}:BTW I forget who started the rumor on EI that Jags was sleeping around while he was here but I have heard from multiple people from BC outside of the athletic department that this was true.

I believe it was HomoJS, if it was you, I apologize for calling you a homo HomoJS.

He was probably pulling sweet tail for a guy getting paid in Eagle Bucks.

by **mod6A** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:12 pm

it seems there is much we can learn from this Chimp, and perhaps other chimps.

by **angrychicken** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:12 pm

TobaccoRoadEagle {l Wrote}:
claver2010 {l Wrote}:BTW I forget who started the rumor on EI that Jags was sleeping around while he was here but I have heard from multiple people from BC outside of the athletic department that this was true.

I believe it was HomoJS, if it was you, I apologize for calling you a homo HomoJS.

it was either northbeaconfavre or mr. awesome... i forget which specific douche that claimed to have an "inside guy" it was, but i'm fairly certain it was one of these. homojs jumped on it after the fact - but that would be like crediting me with "breaking" naked pictures of opposing qbs'

Mr. Awesome said it recently, but I forget who said it early in the year.

by **angrychicken** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:14 pm

TobaccoRoadEagle {l Wrote}:
angrychicken {l Wrote}:
TobaccoRoadEagle {l Wrote}:
claver2010 {l Wrote}:BTW I forget who started the rumor on EI that Jags was sleeping around while he was here but I have heard from multiple people from BC outside of the athletic department that this was true.

I believe it was HomoJS, if it was you, I apologize for calling you a homo HomoJS.

it was either northbeaconfavre or mr. awesome... i forget which specific douche that claimed to have an "inside guy" it was, but i'm fairly certain it was one of these. homojs jumped on it after the fact - but that would be like crediting me with "breaking" naked pictures of opposing qbs'

Mr. Awesome said it recently, but I forget who said it early in the year.

that was senor awesome

senor awesome was awesome.

by **BCEagle74** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:18 pm

Fuck those filthy apes.

Did you see Nova?

That was one hairless piece of primo ass that Charlton Heston re-started the world for us living today.

You all can fuck Chimp World, 74 is sticking with non-homohumpersapien pussy.

Pussy: The Real Deal Since Adam traded a rack of ribs for a twatpie.

Read your Bible.

by **hansen** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:22 pm

Endless Mike {l Wrote}:If this guy is an actual chimpanzee then he may have some good problem-solving skills.

and a chimp probably can't be any worse at running an offense than :tranq

!

EDIT. i'm still lost... is this coach chimp a real person? who? i'm so demoralized after that offensive performance against teh clemson, i'm willing to suspend disbelief in the hope that this is a real person and not an actual chimp...

by **angryty** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:23 pm

mod6A {l Wrote}:it seems there is much we can learn from this Chimp, and perhaps other chimps.

There were some behavioral scientists who did an experiment with this coaching staff back during Spring Practice in which they let the offensive coaching staff coach the first half but then disabled all of the communication devices and specifically instructed the players to disregard the called plays. The second half of the scrimmage the offense was coached by six lemurs who selected plays by stepping on a red, green or blue tab that represented a play off the play chart. At the end of the experiment, the lemurs had lead the offense to two scores versus no scores for the coaching staff. Lemurs are lower primates--they engage in little or no concious thought--but they are capabale of organizing sequences, understand basic arithmetic operations and select tools based on functional qualities (they also tend to rely on bubble screens more than I would like from an offensive philosophical standpoint, but I digress). With that said, a Chimp can think circles around a lemur so it is safe to say that putting a chimp in charge of the offense would lead to vast improvements in game-calling, play selection and in-game adjustments.

by **BCEagle74** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:29 pm

angryty {l Wrote}:
mod6A {l Wrote}:it seems there is much we can learn from this Chimp, and perhaps other chimps.

There were some behavioral scientists who did an experiment with this coaching staff back during Spring Practice in which they let the offensive coaching staff coach the first half but then disabled all of the communication devices and specifically instructed the players to disregard the called plays. The second half of the scrimmage the offense was coached by six lemurs who selected plays by stepping on a red, green or blue tab that represented a play off the play chart. At the end of the experiment, the lemurs had lead the offense to two scores versus no scores for the coaching staff. Lemurs are lower primates--they engage in little or no concious thought--but they are capabale of organizing sequences, understand basic arithmetic operations and select tools based on functional qualities (they also tend to rely on bubble screens more than I would like from an offensive philosophical standpoint, but I digress). With that said, a Chimp can think circles around a lemur so it is safe to say that putting a chimp in charge of the offense would lead to vast improvements in game-calling, play selection and in-game adjustments.

Hey fuck all you peanut loving chimps.

Give me the Parrot I saw that was not for sale on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

This fucking bird could repeat everything you said verbatim.

Put this beaked genius on Spaz's Towel in case he shits on his shoulder and whisper it his ear with a little hidden mike...

Luigi.....Luigi.....dive play coming...dive play coming...swing pass on third and long..swing pass on third and long......screen pass...screen pass.....go for 2...go for 2.....blitz you dumb dago...blitz you dumb dago......

How can it get any worse?

by **b0mberMan** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:37 pm

angrychicken {l Wrote}:
TobaccoRoadEagle {l Wrote}:
angrychicken {l Wrote}:
TobaccoRoadEagle {l Wrote}:
claver2010 {l Wrote}:BTW I forget who started the rumor on EI that Jags was sleeping around while he was here but I have heard from multiple people from BC outside of the athletic department that this was true.

I believe it was HomoJS, if it was you, I apologize for calling you a homo HomoJS.

it was either northbeaconfavre or mr. awesome... i forget which specific douche that claimed to have an "inside guy" it was, but i'm fairly certain it was one of these. homojs jumped on it after the fact - but that would be like crediting me with "breaking" naked pictures of opposing qbs'

Mr. Awesome said it recently, but I forget who said it early in the year.

that was senor awesome

senor awesome was awesome.

He was. I feel I need to say that.

by **gallopingghost** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:58 pm

This is a bad idea. Just because a chimp can pick stocks better than 85% of mutual fund managers doesn't mean they can call plays better. People have been trying to portray chimps as cute cuddley types, such as in movies like Bedtime for Bonzo and that Clyde with Clint Eastwood (oops orangutan same diff) but they are really dirty, backstabbing, double dealing, POS creeps. I don't know why Darwin gives them so much credit.

NO CHIMPS, NO WAY!!

by **Sophistry** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:27 pm

....hilarous thread, great laugh after this weekend-thanks

by **mod6A** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 7:39 pm

gallopingghost {l Wrote}:This is a bad idea. Just because a chimp can pick stocks better than 85% of mutual fund managers doesn't mean they can call plays better. People have been trying to portray chimps as cute cuddley types, such as in movies like Bedtime for Bonzo and that Clyde with Clint Eastwood (oops orangutan same diff) but they are really dirty, backstabbing, double dealing, POS creeps. I don't know why Darwin gives them so much credit.

NO CHIMPS, NO WAY!!

chimps forever. bonobos never.

by **1981Eagle** on Mon Sep 21, 2009 7:39 pm

claver2010 {l Wrote}:BTW I forget who started the rumor on EI that Jags was sleeping around while he was here but I have heard from multiple people from BC outside of the athletic department that this was true.

I believe it was HomoJS, if it was you, I apologize for calling you a homo HomoJS.

If Jags would come back and right this ship, I will throw in another Gasson to buy him enough hookers to keep him happy for at least one day a week throughout the season. I want wins and I don't care who's chomping his knob.

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