Bumpers {l Wrote}:I always thought salad was the cure for diarrhea. Can we move this link to the diarrhea idiom thread, please?
Diarrhea is just butt-salad. You know what I'm talking about - you barely make it to the bowl, hands shaking while fumbling at your belt, and throw your pants down just in time to salad-shoot burning chunks of what looks like a bass-boat motor churning out muddy millfoil, then have to flush eight times for the water to actually wipe the chipped mulch down from the porcelain sides. If you've already got diarrhea, the last thing you want to do is throw more fuel into the elk-bellowing woodchipper spinning in your colon.
Salad in point of fact cures constipation; works best if it's not full-on constipation, but rather, steakhouse-and-booze constipation where you ate too much meat, drank too little water, consumed no fiber, and you're a fatty who can barely haul your take-it-out-another-few-inches-mister--haberdasher sportscoat up a flight of steps without sucking wind. You know the guy in the next stall - groans like he's giving birth except instead of something the dimensions of a pineapple, he's like the alien queen squeezing out baby-facehuggers in little quail-egg-sized packages because he didn't eat his salad.
Eat salad until your butt makes salad, then stop eating salad for a while.
Posted: Tue Dec 03, 2019 9:54 am