Bates has gone

[TontoKowalski]

...to the bathroom twice today, I suspect.

The first was perhaps a pee stream first thing this morning that wandered but, unlike the famous Tolkein adage, was also lost, an unsteady and inconsistent malinger up and down the bowl in a dazed, hopeless peregrination to nowhere.

The second should have a been a ripe old poop, a forceful unpuckering of hot tires out of a potato cannon. But one of the things I have learned from this board is that SOME PEOPLE DON'T POOP. There are walking dead out there, cursed; raw broccoli and pork chop eatin' invisible motherfuckers, who grunt and squeeze, wrangle and twist, squirm and groan, and hold their breath until their ribs crack and their ears turn the color of a whalepants' gin blossom, but succeed only in sputtering a dry cloud of dust into the bowl, like a leafblower coughing pollen into a puddle.

A lot of noise, a lot of ceremony, a lot of pomp, but no actual substance.

This is certainly a metaphor for Bates' AD tenure here. Pomp, ceremony, noise, and when it comes time to do something of substance, he dry-poops McThinskinazzio into the football office.

Normally, I would have left the metaphors as they were, relying on your intelligence to make the connection. But SOME PEOPLE DONT POOP and still other people are millenial twitter swillers, mouths stuck to social media exhaust pipes like they're whippets, and these people need to be beaten over the head with metaphors or they don't get it.

On a related note, I like BC football, I loathe the BC AD and coaches, and poop is a metaphor for everything. Happy Tuesday and godspeed.

[twballgame9]

Early nomination for best application of the Riddle of Strider to bodily functions.

[TobaccoRoadEagle]

artist's rendering - here comes brad bates to save the immobilized bc athletic department and it's revenue programs...