Everything about Soccer Sucks

[HustlinOwl]

Might as well get this thread going for the World Cup.

Really sad story showing one way soccer sucks.

[twballgame9]

Is this the dumbass that got run over? I'm not clicking your truckdriving links.

[HustlinOwl]

Yes

[TobaccoRoadEagle]

[TobaccoRoadEagle]

[TobaccoRoadEagle]

[commavegarage]

i like alex morgan

[Endless Mike]

i like alex morgan

Me too.

[TobaccoRoadEagle]

i like alex morgan

Me too.

hansen doesn't. AT ALL!

[hansen]

i like alex morgan

Me too.

hansen doesn't. AT ALL!

dick

she's by far the hottest girl on the women's national team...

[TobaccoRoadEagle]

but her fake blonde hair to bolted on bewbs ratio is way below your grecian standards

[Dick Rosenthal]

I am curious does anyone know if when this guy was hit by said truck he initially fell to the ground clutching his knee and writhing in agony before he realized that he was in fact mortally wounded? Because that would be awesome.

[MF73-Eleazar]

She's recently retired...aka AJ Feeley's wife.

[innocentbystander]

i like alex morgan

Me too.

hansen doesn't. AT ALL!

she reminds me of

[hansen]

she reminds me of

if you're blind

[2001Eagle]

Peter Crouch's wife is lovely.

ABBEY_~2.JPG (111.1 KiB) Viewed 18497 times

[twballgame9]

she reminds me of

if you're blind

Yeah, Erin Gray was a thousand times hotter than Alex Mangan.

[MF73-Eleazar]

Whoops.

[innocentbystander]

she reminds me of

if you're blind

Yeah, Erin Gray was a thousand times hotter than Alex Mangan.

What teddy said...





anyone who can't appreciate the feathered hair and tight spandex spacesuit looks of the 1970s..... bah. Youth is wasted on the young.

[hansen]

phillip lahm's wife, claudia, has big cans

[PhillyandBCEagles]

In 2010 for the US-England World Cup game (which started around 12 or 1 pm on a Saturday) the city of Philadelphia along with Fado and a few smaller bars in the area cordoned off an entire block with a live band before the game, multiple outdoor bars set up, and a giant screen set up for the game. I got blitzed before noon on a beautiful summer day then walked to Fox and Hound (to meet up with my friends who had showed up too late to get into the outdoor thing) and watched the game during which time I got some hipster douche kicked out for taking a limp-wristed swing at me because I kept calling him out for rooting for England even though he admitted he was from New York and kept slipping in and out of his fake British accent.

In 2009 and 2005 I went to the US-Mexico World Cup qualifier in Columbus and the entire end zone section spent a good chunk of the game chanting "Dirty Sanchez" over and over at the Mexican goalkeeper, who at the time was named Sanchez (MF73 can attest to this).


How exactly does soccer suck?? Say what you want about the game itself (personally I love it, but to each his own) but the shit talking/outdoor day drinking opportunities it presents are endless, and global. I was at an Australian bar in Singapore watching Fulham beat Manchester United in '09 and made everyone I was drinking with take a shot of Jack Daniels for Clint Dempsey every time Fulham scored (never mind that Dempsey didn't actually score in that game himself). I went to Anna's in Brookline wearing my US jersey and a huge shit-eating grin the day after we came from behind to beat Mexico in the '07 Gold Cup final (obviously I would only do this at Anna's where they make the food in front of you, to ensure I would not actually be eating shit). It's fun.

[MF73-Eleazar]

In 2010 for the US-England World Cup game (which started around 12 or 1 pm on a Saturday) the city of Philadelphia along with Fado and a few smaller bars in the area cordoned off an entire block with a live band before the game, multiple outdoor bars set up, and a giant screen set up for the game. I got blitzed before noon on a beautiful summer day then walked to Fox and Hound (to meet up with my friends who had showed up too late to get into the outdoor thing) and watched the game during which time I got some hipster douche kicked out for taking a limp-wristed swing at me because I kept calling him out for rooting for England even though he admitted he was from New York and kept slipping in and out of his fake British accent.

In 2009 and 2005 I went to the US-Mexico World Cup qualifier in Columbus and the entire end zone section spent a good chunk of the game chanting "Dirty Sanchez" over and over at the Mexican goalkeeper, who at the time was named Sanchez (MF73 can attest to this).


How exactly does soccer suck?? Say what you want about the game itself (personally I love it, but to each his own) but the shit talking/outdoor day drinking opportunities it presents are endless, and global. I was at an Australian bar in Singapore watching Fulham beat Manchester United in '09 and made everyone I was drinking with take a shot of Jack Daniels for Clint Dempsey every time Fulham scored (never mind that Dempsey didn't actually score in that game himself). I went to Anna's in Brookline wearing my US jersey and a huge shit-eating grin the day after we came from behind to beat Mexico in the '07 Gold Cup final (obviously I would only do this at Anna's where they make the food in front of you, to ensure I would not actually be eating shit). It's fun.

You missed a fun time at the Azteca, Alex.

[Endless Mike]

anyone who can't appreciate the feathered hair and tight spandex spacesuit looks of the 1970s..... bah.

Way too much clothing. I'll take the chicks in painted bikinis, thanks.

[DuchesneEast]

In 2010 for the US-England World Cup game (which started around 12 or 1 pm on a Saturday) the city of Philadelphia along with Fado and a few smaller bars in the area cordoned off an entire block with a live band before the game, multiple outdoor bars set up, and a giant screen set up for the game. I got blitzed before noon on a beautiful summer day then walked to Fox and Hound (to meet up with my friends who had showed up too late to get into the outdoor thing) and watched the game during which time I got some hipster douche kicked out for taking a limp-wristed swing at me because I kept calling him out for rooting for England even though he admitted he was from New York and kept slipping in and out of his fake British accent.

t actually be eating shit). It's fun.

You missed a fun time at the Azteca, Alex.

I can stand soccer once every 4 years and only when Italy is playing.

Do not hype the game experience. A MLS game in Harrison or friendly at the Meadowlands, looks like a who's who of guys that were standing outside my Home Depot that morning. I dont want to hang out with them any longer than it takes them to cut my grass.

[HustlinOwl]

In 2010 for the US-England World Cup game (which started around 12 or 1 pm on a Saturday) the city of Philadelphia along with Fado and a few smaller bars in the area cordoned off an entire block with a live band before the game, multiple outdoor bars set up, and a giant screen set up for the game. I got blitzed before noon on a beautiful summer day then walked to Fox and Hound (to meet up with my friends who had showed up too late to get into the outdoor thing) and watched the game during which time I got some hipster douche kicked out for taking a limp-wristed swing at me because I kept calling him out for rooting for England even though he admitted he was from New York and kept slipping in and out of his fake British accent.

In 2009 and 2005 I went to the US-Mexico World Cup qualifier in Columbus and the entire end zone section spent a good chunk of the game chanting "Dirty Sanchez" over and over at the Mexican goalkeeper, who at the time was named Sanchez (MF73 can attest to this).


How exactly does soccer suck?? Say what you want about the game itself (personally I love it, but to each his own) but the shit talking/outdoor day drinking opportunities it presents are endless, and global. I was at an Australian bar in Singapore watching Fulham beat Manchester United in '09 and made everyone I was drinking with take a shot of Jack Daniels for Clint Dempsey every time Fulham scored (never mind that Dempsey didn't actually score in that game himself). I went to Anna's in Brookline wearing my US jersey and a huge shit-eating grin the day after we came from behind to beat Mexico in the '07 Gold Cup final (obviously I would only do this at Anna's where they make the food in front of you, to ensure I would not actually be eating shit). It's fun.

Soccer sucks.

[twballgame9]

The actual game is terrible. Not surprising it is the sport of millennials and their 3rd place trophies.

[DuchesneEast]

The actual game is terrible. Not surprising it is the sport of millennials and their 3rd place trophies.

and Third World Countries.




Nothing made me happier than when both my kids hated soccer and stopped playing after 1 season. My in-laws are all in, all 3 kids play soccer in multiple leagues, I dont see them at all on weekends even though they are 3 houses down and I have a pool. In runs their life.

[TontoKowalski]

I have had various friends and acquaintances try to get me into soccer the past few years - it felt like years ago, when people in my 8th grade class tried to get me into cigarettes because of how much they thought I would like it (family members died from lung cancer - I despise smoking and always have). I gave soccer more of a chance than I gave smoking in 8th grade (although in truth, perhaps I should have channeled my 8th grade self here). Here are some thoughts:

1. 'Tottenham/Chelsea/Man -U ais my favorite team' - this interests me. How did you choose a favorite team? These are from ancient cities and neighborhoods in another country, what connection do you have to them? My wife's extended family is from a place in Europe that has a passionate soccer following and none of them are really into it... the typical response I get from someone in this country is 'you like the style of play'. More on this in a second, but ...

2. The introduction of EPL soccer in this country is shameless product placement and marketing. Someone wealthy decided to sell soccer to a large, unsoccer'ed but sports-loving American environment and did so, with apparent success. But it's shameless. Now look, sports is a product, it's been a product for years, great. I recognize this. But sports in this country became a product because so many people loved the game(s). The sports love here existed before the product placement. The product-ifying wearies me. I hate this conference realignment. ESPN is completely unwatchable because they arent even selling sports anymore, they're selling ESPN.

But here Soccer is being put on a platform with mango flavoring, right? Hey, the US might have a taste for mango drinks, which are wildly popular in Asia and South America, let's try it there. Let's try soccer!

So people choose a team completely arbitrarily to follow, and then follow that team. This seemed strange and unsettling to me. What possible connection does anyone in this country have with any of these stadiums or places?

3. There's the EPL. There's a Spanish league, an Italian league, a German league. Other leagues. Then some subset of those plays each other. Periodically, teams are not in the majors anymore and go into the minors? This is a fucking lot of shit to keep track of, especially for a guy who wonders where Wales and Campbell went.

4. This 'style of play' nonsense. I have a stupidly analytical mind. It's a great benefit and a terrifying setback simultaneously - I struggle to use its strengths while holding back its perverse, demonic impulses. After spending some time studying soccer, I have concluded that there is little in the way of strategy or style of play. There are tactical tendencies and these can be spawned by mismatches. To the extent that there are strategic differences, it has chiefly to do with things like 'The Germans are really fucking big and the Eye-Tals are tiny and fast' - which are basically geopolitical mismatches that have existed for thousands of years. Basically, a bunch of dudes kick a ball around until someone kicks it around someone else, and then something might happen. When there's a corner kick, something might happen. Strategy!

5. In addition to there being a lot of teams, players, leagues, and countries, there are a lot of songs. I don't like to sing. You wouldn't like me to sing near you, either. I can't sing. I can't carry a tune. Why is everyone singing? Why don't you all go join a choir or a boy band? The only song that should really be sung at a sports event is 'Who's your father, referee'. All this singing crap is really too much.

6. This one comes from soccer fans from other countries: 'Football is BORING. A football game only averages 11 minutes of actual play. Soccer they never stop playing!' This, to me, is the most damning criticism of soccer and its fans: if something isn't happening AT ALL TIMES, the entire audience might change the channel to CSPAN or something. This is so outrageously stupid. I like chess. I'm not great at it, but I enjoy it as a hobby, as a quiet, intellectual way to pass the time, as a thing to do with my kids after Sunday dinner or in a blitz match. By the definition above, chess isn't exciting. In fact, chess is THRILLING if you have even a cursory understanding of it and guess what? There's not a lot of shit happening in a chess match. There isn't a lot of movement. Things aren't going up and down the board, really. And yet... it is high strategy and mind-bendingly awesome.

Is there not enough ADHD in this country already? We have to add a sport where something has to be happening all the time? Are animated fish tank screensavers more exciting than chess? By the above definition, it would seem so.

This ties into the shameless marketing and product placement of European soccer in this country - it's a product and everyone who loves Chelsea or whatever has just bought. Buy, buy, buy! Suckers!

7. 'If you like hockey, you'll like soccer. They're really similar.' This is almost the same as above but worth mentioning - anyone who says this knows nothing about hockey. Hockey has a ton of strategy and a lot of movement; soccer has seemingly no strategy and a lot of movement. In hockey, the goaltender can disproportionately affect outcomes. In soccer, this is not the case. In hockey, the personnel changes mean there is a strategy to timing and rotations. Hits and contact factor in. This is another thing I hear from Europeans and the truth is that they don't know anything about hockey if they say this.

8. I will unconditionally cheer for the US to win anything international. So that end, I'll follow the world cup or olympic version of almost anything. I agree that we should try to ruthlessly clobber countries in whatever sport it may be. But ... I don't follow badminton or table tennis or sailing, etc.

To each their own, but let's not kid each other with this soccer stuff.

[twballgame9]

Tonto just said "soccer sucks" eloquently.

The ADHD thing is why the Adderall generation and their parents like soccer. No one under the age of 30 can sit and watch a fucking baseball game in peace. Going to the park is intolerable, every up and down up and down christ whatchafuckingpitchortwo.

[b0mberMan]

I "get into" soccer every 4 years during the world cup. It's a chance to go to a bar in the morning, chant USA! with a bunch of people, meet a lot of foreigners and, in my single days, take home an overweight British girl or two at 2 pm on a Sunday when you're both sloppy drunk. Lot of fun.

Following soccer during any other time of year takes more effort than I am interested in putting into the sport. If we had a league that was full of the best players in the world int he US, maybe I'd take the time.